


More Than Others

by endemictoearth



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2013-12-19
Packaged: 2018-04-08 13:46:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4307388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endemictoearth/pseuds/endemictoearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written before Series 2 aired, this explains how Finn came to be by the chippy when Rae went looking for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More Than Others

_“I fantasize a lot about boys …”_

_“ANY man, really …”_

_“Well, some more than others …”_

The words kept echoing in Finn’s head. They nagged at him, niggling away at the back of his mind, making him uneasy. 

He wasn’t sure if he was imagining it, but he thought she looked at him when she said “some more than others.” And with that glance, it was exactly as if his heart flipped on its axis, changing polarity. It technically functioned the same, but there had been a fundamental alteration: Rae might like him back. His stomach began to churn away, and he wondered if all his organs would turn on him, one by one. He started to sweat and remembered learning in health class that skin was technically an organ, too. So, maybe he wasn’t that off base.

Nibbling on his cuticle nervously, he had started gearing himself up to talk to her when she was dragged away by her mother. Chop and Izzy were canoodling, Archie loosened his tie and was finishing every half-filled glass of champagne on the table, and Chloe had fucked off somewhere. 

He had to get out of there. After Rae had finished her speech, it was like someone pressed a mute button. He couldn’t hear anything but the beating of his own stupid heart hammering in his ears. But now, the volume was back and it had been cranked up high. He couldn’t think over the sound of the music and the crowd, and he had to think. 

He stood up and threaded himself past Archie. His friend gave him a look that said, “Where’re you off to, mate?” Finn grabbed his jean jacket and clutched it with a nervous fist. “Need some air. Think I’ll head to the chippy. I’ll catch ya later, yeah?” Archie nodded, his mouth quirking up into a knowing half smile. 

With one push, Finn was through the pub door, yanking his jacket on over his shoulders. He took a deep breath of air, filling his lungs with air and then sighing it all out. It must have rained a bit while they were at the reception, because the streets were wet, the lights reflecting brightly in the puddles. 

When he got to the chippy, he looked inside for a minute, but the thought of sitting in there, alone, under the harsh fluorescent light, eating a plate of chips by himself … it made him weary with sadness. He ducked down the alley beside the chip shop and slumped against the wall. He’d been trying to focus on walking, breathing, blinking, seeing, but thrumming just under his every action was  _Rae Rae Rae Rae_. He just wanted to talk to her.

But what would he say? 

Closing his eyes, he leaned his head back against the brick, letting out a long exhale. When he opened them again, he glimpsed a flash of lavender satin float by his peripheral vision. Was that … ?

Ducking his head around the corner, he saw Rae walk up to the chippy window, like he had a moment or two ago, and search the interior. Not finding who or what she was looking for, she put a hand up on the window and squeezed her eyes shut. Finn slipped out of the alley and when she turned to head back to the reception, they were face to face, just the two of them.

*** * ***

After their embrace, Finn asked, “So, what now?” Rae shrugged, a flush of pink on her cheeks. Those words that had been haunting him earlier floated back into his brain and before he knew it, he blurted out, “So, you fantasize a lot, huh?” This wasn’t the best beginning, but he couldn’t stop wondering who else she dreamed about and what she thought about doing with them. With him. 

Rae’s blush deepened; she almost turned purple. She shook her head and looked down at her hands as they twisted against one another. “I–I had to say … I thought Chloe had …”

He got it. “… read your diary, oh.” So … did that mean she was or wasn’t interested in him? Why was this so hard? He’d pulled plenty of girls, but it had never been this uncomfortable, or … ah, that was it. It had never mattered before.

“Well, I’m still interested.” Her head shot up. “In your fantasies,” he said. Now her shoulders slumped forward a bit, perhaps in defeat? “And you, of course,” he elaborated. Hadn’t his fingers said enough for her? Did she not feel him correctly? He wouldn’t have “said” it if he hadn’t meant it.

“They’re pretty standard, I guess.” Rae shrugged, looking away over her shoulder. They were still standing on the pavement outside the chippy.

“Yeah, but … ANY man?” he asked, wincing after he did.

Rae froze, eyes wide. Finally, she just shrugged. “When you think NO ONE is an option, in a weird way, everyone is fair game.”

What did she mean by that? He looked at her quizzically. “What d'ya mean by that?”

“You … you have options. Chloe has options, a choice. I never thought I did. Like, I can’t choose, I have to be chosen?” She shook her head. “I’m not sayin’ this right. It’s just … no one ever picked me before. I started to think no one ever would.” She shuffled her feet and rolled her eyes nervously. “But, in my mind, I can be with whoever I want. It’s pathetic, I know.”

Finn shook his head. He felt something welling up in his chest, almost as intense as the day he’d taken care of the twat brigade when they were calling Rae names in the street. He wanted to tell her, show her, that she wasn’t pathetic. That she was worth more than the rest of the gang put together. That when he’d told her the gang would fall apart without her, he really just meant  _he_ would fall apart without her around, and that it was unfathomable to him that she had almost fallen herself. That she’d become the most important person in his life without him noticing when or how.

“No, Rae–”

“You don’t have to say it out loud. And I won’t hold you to it.” Rae looked down, her hands clasped behind her back. His eyes flickered over her magnificent chest once again, but this time he closed his eyes to try and focus.

“Rae, I want to say it. That is, if you’ll lemme get a word in.” He flashed her a rakish grin, attempting to disguise his nervousness. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead of words falling out, he leaned forward to kiss her. He could feel her floating backward, away from him, because they hadn’t embraced. They weren’t anchored, but Finn soon corrected that, pulling her close to him, and deepening their kiss. Rae’s hands had unclasped themselves and skated tentatively up his arms, across his shoulders, fingers finally tangling into the hair at the back of his neck. 

When they broke apart, Rae kept her eyes closed as she tried to catch her breath. He couldn’t say it any better than that. He wasn’t kidding about not being good with words. He hoped she understood. 


End file.
